“freak shows”. playdate gone south. trick was no treat. hook up from hell.
it seems (purely my observation/opinion) that a hook-up tanking in epic proportion is in some way a rite of passage into the world of party and play. in fact, i remember feeling more like i belonged when gathered with my party pals and the sharing of “freak shows” commenced, when I was finally able to chime in with my own first mis-adventures . i learned early on if you’re gonna dance with Tina you’d better get steel toed shoes.
my mis-adventures over the years is a broad range of experiences. I’ve had: baggie chasers (#1 most common offense), to faux tops (#2 most common offense), last minute boyfriends, housing challenged, income challenged (see i can be politically correct). a 5-suitcase=collection-of-toys, being stranded when my bff 86’d me in a motel in a moment of panic (we’d ridden together), a paranoia attack so intense i had to call 911, curtain peeking, chatty-cathy’s, computer compulsives (guilty as charged), 2 OD’s and still my favorite… the guy that picked me up SIX hours late and was astounded that i wasn’t ready when he got there.
in the beginning i was relentless, judgmental and a harsh critic of my flawed comrades. i’d go on for days about responsibility and “keeping your shit together”. now i try to be a littl more tempered in my judgements and i have my own “momenTs” to thank for that.
i have had a melt down or two. you can’t stay in this game as long as i have and not have one. universal law. and on those occasions, i am afraid it was i, that was someones’ else’s “freak show”.
to minimize the frequency and impact of “freak shows” i have a series of screening questions, some i ask directly and others are hidden amidst the chase. even then, it’s no guarantee. recently i hooked up with what i thought was the daily double. he passed all the questions with flying colors. my only red flag…was he was a little too eager and sounded a little too good to be true:
vers/top, stocked with product, has his own place, has transportation, common sexual interests, just starting to party and can play now.
the flaw in MY process? some people flat lie.
stocked with product turned out to be “…very little left” and did i “bring some”
then he told me about the boyfriend at work and that we were on “….his time…” meaning said jealous, suspicious boyfriend could show up for a fidelity check any freaking moment
and my “daily double” decides to spring this on me exactly 5 minutes after we bang one as he enters a full blow paranoia outbreak and worse yet, guess who’s not a top or versatile anything for that matter?
my dick went soft when he started flying about the room (yes, flapping of wings) and pulling his hair whil screaming “Fuck Me, Fuck Me, Fuck Me Now or I’ll Die”!
and in that exact moment an unannounced #2 and #3 arrive: one a bewlidded straight husband on the lam and his cohort a 6’ 7” 270 pound bdsm top (with a portable sling) who eyed said straight husband like lunch.
as the screeching and the begging got worse we all decided best to sit and wait for the boyfriend and perhaps let him deal the daily double.
when the boys gathered for storytelling the next week i knew i had the BEST freak show story in the bag. i mean seriously when does flying, freaking, paranoid, lying, drug seeking, supposed top WITH a jealous partner who could arrive any second PLUS Bever Clever’s and Rambo beat an “i forgot to tell u i’m amputee and I like to fuck with my prosthetic off” story.
you KNOW they had to buy me dinner.