i won’T miss…


1. Searching for a viable vein for hours
2. My veins hurting
3. Having to wear long sleeve shirts in the summer
4. Not being able to breathe in fresh air
5. Having to take intensive Tweaker Baths every day to restore my skin
6. Skin so dry even the Mojave Desert looks moist
7. A substance taking up every waking moment of the day
8. Lack of sleep / exhaustion
9. Meth Mouth / Dry Mouth
10. Being locked away in my apartment for days / months on end
11. My dog not getting adequate attention (the single hardest thing for me to face)
12. The feeling of being stuck repeatedly
13. A stiff body
14. Searching for 12 hours straight for the perfect porn clip
15. Having my days and my nights reversed
16. Not feeling normal unless I’ve just banged
17. People that don’t party responsibly and with integrity
18. Connections constantly dropping by my house
19. All the lies to cover up my using
20. Draining my back account to put shit up my arm

when iT goT quieT

Tweaker True Word

It’s sad when you realize the group of friends that you thought were so supportive and amazing aren’t really that at all. They talk about always being there for you but when it comes time you’re all alone and when they ask how you’re doing and you don’t know if you should tell them to fuck off or if you should tell them how you cry on your bedroom floor each night because your so fucking broken and can’t keep a needle out of your arm so you just half smile and say “I’m ok”


The day I stopped carrying a baggy in one hand and a $50 bill in the other is the day my world went silent

It was the longest I’ve ever been

And the silence was deafening !

Tweakers are NOT your friends! 

geTTing off righT – manual on safely injecTing

I post this from time to time because it’s one of the best resources going for IV Drug Users and because I firmly believe in the principles of Harm Reduction

Nothing like this existed when I first started using

This information would have saved me countless days of heartache and would have also saved my veins

Please share with any friend who uses IV Drugs

It could save a life

Getting Off Right- Safely Injecting Manual – Harm Reduction

now whaT?

Tina took up all my time. NOW what am I gonna freaking do?

ouch, ThaT hurt

I knew I’d hit a bump but not quite so soon

Did well today, kept my shit together, kept busy, got a lot of projects done

And them WHAM my emotional roller coaster took off about 7

7:09 I’m banging this shit again looking for emotional relief


Ok so I hit a bump

There’s always tomorrow

I did do ONE thing right

I backed the dose way down

And maybe that’s my path off

A little at a time

I don’t necessarily care HOW I get there

As long as I GET there

My body needs the rest

My psyche needs the rest

Not forever, but for a while

really alone …

“People think being alone makes you lonely, but I don’t think that’s true. Being surrounded by the wrong people is the loneliest thing in the world.”   Kim Culbertson (via quotemadness)

It’s 3 AM

And suddenly you look across the room

And you think to yourself

Or sometimes say out loud

“Who the fuck ARE these people?”

“And why are they in my house ?”

And you’re as alone as you’ve ever been

Strangers surround you

Some you remember, some you don’t, all you want to forget

Even through the noise

The silence in your head is deafening

That’s real loneliness

That’s real fucking loneliness

parTying safely – Taking a “Tweaker bath”

Ok so you’ve come home from a night (or 3 days) of partying and your body feels like all blazing hell. Your skin is as dry as the Mojave Desert, your lips are cracked and peeling, your eyes feel like cotton balls and meth mouth has set in. I mean let’s get real people. We were basically ingesting Drano; our bodies are bound to have some adverse reactions, right?

When I stop partying or roll through the door the first thing I do is take what I fondly refer to as a “Tweaker Bath”. I’ve experimented with tons of different products and this is a list of what I’ve found to be MOST effective to restore my body to a normal condition.

And before anyone asks no I’m not affiliated with any company and am not promoting any product. This was all trial snd error to find things that worked best.


1. Epsom Salt. Add one cup of Epsom Salt to a warm bath. Do not use hot water as it’s too caustic for meth’d up skin. Any brand of Epsom Salts will do. You can usually find Epsom Salt for super cheap at the Grocery Store. Soak for 15 minutes. Be sure not to wet your hair in the Salt water, Salt is deadly to hair. Add 5 drops of Lavender Oil for a soothing scent.

2. Oil of Olay Body Wash. I then scrub with Oil of Olay Body Wash. It’s by far the best at producing a thick soapy lather. Use one of those plastic bath sponges to get rid of any remaining meth oil/film/smell.

3. Bumble and Bumble Full Potential Shampoo and Cream Rinse. This stuff is amazing for restoring your hair from the effects of meth and all the sweating that comes with it. After your soak / scrub bath take a shower solely for the purpose of washing your hair. Shampoo as normal and then heavily apply the cream rinse. Only rinse out half the Cream Rinse and style as usual. This allows the conditioner to keep working on your hair. This is a little tricky to find but if your local mall has a Sephora Shop they carry it.

4. Good Seed Citrus and Green Tea Body Lotion. Available at Amazon. This thick creamy lotion does wonders for dry (and sometimes painful) skin. Slather it on your legs, chest, feet, face and neck. Be really generous with the lotion.

5. Restoration Hardware Crack Cream. I kid you not that’s really the name of the product. Feet and hands need something more than just regular lotion because they dry out the most of any body area. This Cream (although a little pricey) works wonders to keep peeling at bay and restore your hands and feet to their natural state. It comes in a Leather scent, very manly, so you won’t smell like your Grandmothers Rose Garden.

6. Baking Soda. I always keep a box of Baking Soda in my Medicine Cabinet. To brush my teeth I wet my toothbrush, apply the toothpaste and then sprinkle Baking Soda on top of that before I brush. It’s not the greatest taste but does wonders for getting rid of meth mouth.

7. Biotin. Next swish for 30-45 seconds with Biotin. This helps prevent Dry Mouth. Note: Biotin also comes in a small spray bottle. Keep it on your bedside table or in your “Tweaker Bag” and use several times a night while partying. Your mouth will thank you!

8. OR Peridex. If you have trouble with mouth ulcers (usually caused by lack of hydration) Peridex works wonders to clear them up. Swish for 30 seconds three times a day. This will cut your healing time in half.

9. Neosporin. Our nasal cavities are one of the hardest hit areas as far as drying out goes. Use your finger or a Q Tip and gently apply Neosporin to the inside of each nostril. Your sinuses will thank you. Also if you’re like me the sides of my nose get really dry and red. Apply a light coat of Neosporin to each side of your nose to speed healing.

10. Rohto Cool Eyedrops. These eye drops are a miracle worker for dry eyes. They are hard to find in stores but Amazon carries them. They have the slightest touch of menthol in them and feel great to the eye. Note: Never apply with contacts in your eyes.

11. Carmex. By far Carmex is what I’ve found to be the best at restoring dry, cracked and peeling lips. Take it with you and apply thru out the day.

A note about cologne. I exclusively wear Angel perfume. I normally get tons of compliments on it wherever I go. That said when my body is still processing meth Angel smells like Midnight in the Barnyard on me! I kid you not. Instead of your normal cologne find an alternate scent that works with your altered body chemistry and wear that for s couple of days. I found XOXO mi amore did the trick for me.

I usually follow this intense routine for 2-3 days depending on how long I went and how much impact my body took. It used to take me a full week to recover now it’s 2 days, 3 tops! It does take some effort and there’s a cost involved but I wouldn’t trade it for the stellar results I get.


Don’t forget to EAT something (yogurt, bananas anything with protein are good), SLEEP to restore your bodies natural rhythm and you might as well take 3 Advil…not for the headache you have now, for the one you’re gonna have 3 hours from now.

Peace Out