plan a

Plan A, MY Plan, cold turkey, didn’t work


Going into Day Four I was in a free fall and a complete sketched out mess

Something had to give

Too much, too soon, too fast

Plan B, NEW Plan, ease myself off

I’m not thrilled with it but perhaps it’s more realistic for MY body

I’m at half my regular intake

If I’ve calculated correctly I’ll be off in a week, gently

I’m still pissed MY way didn’t work

A friend suggested Plan A was not in my best interest

But did I listen ????

Oh well, no

But his Plan B didn’t quite fit either

After 24 hours of soul searching and writing I came up with a compromise; one I think we can both live with

I hope any way

The goals still the same…Stop and Take a Break ..absolutely NOTHING has changed there

Only how I’m getting there


Hang with me and keep chatting / emailing and posting

You’re keeping my eye on the prize !

THANK YOU for that !

oops, i meTh up

I went out to a cool 52 degrees this morning

On my way thru the mid rise I live in I noticed they have already decorated for fall

I guess I really did meth up my summer

<<<<<<feeling angry 😡 and disappointed 😔 >>>>>>

i won’T miss…


1. Searching for a viable vein for hours
2. My veins hurting
3. Having to wear long sleeve shirts in the summer
4. Not being able to breathe in fresh air
5. Having to take intensive Tweaker Baths every day to restore my skin
6. Skin so dry even the Mojave Desert looks moist
7. A substance taking up every waking moment of the day
8. Lack of sleep / exhaustion
9. Meth Mouth / Dry Mouth
10. Being locked away in my apartment for days / months on end
11. My dog not getting adequate attention (the single hardest thing for me to face)
12. The feeling of being stuck repeatedly
13. A stiff body
14. Searching for 12 hours straight for the perfect porn clip
15. Having my days and my nights reversed
16. Not feeling normal unless I’ve just banged
17. People that don’t party responsibly and with integrity
18. Connections constantly dropping by my house
19. All the lies to cover up my using
20. Draining my back account to put shit up my arm

when iT goT quieT

Tweaker True Word

It’s sad when you realize the group of friends that you thought were so supportive and amazing aren’t really that at all. They talk about always being there for you but when it comes time you’re all alone and when they ask how you’re doing and you don’t know if you should tell them to fuck off or if you should tell them how you cry on your bedroom floor each night because your so fucking broken and can’t keep a needle out of your arm so you just half smile and say “I’m ok”


The day I stopped carrying a baggy in one hand and a $50 bill in the other is the day my world went silent

It was the longest I’ve ever been

And the silence was deafening !

Tweakers are NOT your friends!