I went out to a cool 52 degrees this morning

On my way thru the mid rise I live in I noticed they have already decorated for fall

I guess I really did meth up my summer

<<<<<>>>>>

i won’T miss…

 

1. Searching for a viable vein for hours
2. My veins hurting
3. Having to wear long sleeve shirts in the summer
4. Not being able to breathe in fresh air
5. Having to take intensive Tweaker Baths every day to restore my skin
6. Skin so dry even the Mojave Desert looks moist
7. A substance taking up every waking moment of the day
8. Lack of sleep / exhaustion
9. Meth Mouth / Dry Mouth
10. Being locked away in my apartment for days / months on end
11. My dog not getting adequate attention (the single hardest thing for me to face)
12. The feeling of being stuck repeatedly
13. A stiff body
14. Searching for 12 hours straight for the perfect porn clip
15. Having my days and my nights reversed
16. Not feeling normal unless I’ve just banged
17. People that don’t party responsibly and with integrity
18. Connections constantly dropping by my house
19. All the lies to cover up my using
20. Draining my back account to put shit up my arm

when iT goT quieT

Tweaker True Word

It’s sad when you realize the group of friends that you thought were so supportive and amazing aren’t really that at all. They talk about always being there for you but when it comes time you’re all alone and when they ask how you’re doing and you don’t know if you should tell them to fuck off or if you should tell them how you cry on your bedroom floor each night because your so fucking broken and can’t keep a needle out of your arm so you just half smile and say “I’m ok”

 

The day I stopped carrying a baggy in one hand and a $50 bill in the other is the day my world went silent

It was the longest I’ve ever been

And the silence was deafening !

Tweakers are NOT your friends! 

whaT’s your Tweak?

I tweak on my phone bad, watching porn,checking fb,doing a puzzle, I don’t put my phone down!! I also get high and I don’t leave my apartment at all for day’s which is very unhealthy.

i TOTALLY get u ! i actually went as far as having my roommate lock my phone in his safe so i couldn’t get to it. lot of good that did. when he tweaked looking out the windows i just used his phone. lol

seriously i got off all the hook up sites. my tweak now is still my phone or pad but i tweak here on tumblr where other folks “”get it”

the not leaving the house concerns me a little. now when i party i don’t go out of the house except to walk the dog. i can walk by a bag of meth and look high so i don’t want people seeing me in that condition. but i’m strict about party one day, rest one day. I never go longer than 36 hours, ever.

how long are we talking? how long has it been since u left your house?

pvt message or chat me if u prefer

I post this from time to time because it’s one of the best resources going for IV Drug Users and because I firmly believe in the principles of Harm Reduction

Nothing like this existed when I first started using

This information would have saved me countless days of heartache and would have also saved my veins

Please share with any friend who uses IV Drugs

It could save a life

Getting Off Right- Safely Injecting Manual – Harm Reduction

I knew I’d hit a bump but not quite so soon

Did well today, kept my shit together, kept busy, got a lot of projects done

And them WHAM my emotional roller coaster took off about 7

7:09 I’m banging this shit again looking for emotional relief

Shit

Ok so I hit a bump

There’s always tomorrow

I did do ONE thing right

I backed the dose way down

And maybe that’s my path off

A little at a time

I don’t necessarily care HOW I get there

As long as I GET there

My body needs the rest

My psyche needs the rest

Not forever, but for a while

I don’t wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest

Or the girl who never wants to be alone

I don’t wanna be there calling 4 o’clock in the morning

Cause I’m the only one you know in the world that won’t be home

Ah, the sun is blinding

I stayed up again

Oh, I am finding

That that’s not the way I want my story to end

I’m safe

Up high

Nothing can touch me

But why do I feel this party’s over?

No pain

Inside

You’re my protection

But how do I feel this good sober?

I don’t wanna be the girl that has to fill the silence

The quiet scares me ‘cause it screams the truth

Please don’t tell me that we had that conversation

Cause I won’t remember, save your breath, ’cause what’s the use?

Ah, the night is calling?

And it whispers to me softly come and play

But I, I am falling

And If I let myself go I’m the only one to blame

I’m safe

Up high

Nothing can touch me

But why do I feel this party’s over?

No pain

Inside

You’re like perfection

But how do I feel this good sober?

Coming down, coming down, coming down

Spinning ’round, spinning ’round, spinning ’round

I’m looking for myself, sober

Coming down, coming down, coming down

Spinning ’round, spinning ’round, spinning ’round

Looking for myself, sober

When it’s good, then it’s good, it’s so good ’till it goes bad

‘Till you’re trying to find the you that you once had

I have heard myself cry, never again

Broken down in agony just tryin’ to find a friend

Oh,

Oh,

I’m safe

Up high

Nothing can touch me

But why do I feel this party’s over?

No pain

Inside

You’re like perfection

But how do I feel this good sober?

I’m safe

Up high

Nothing can touch me

But why do I feel this party’s over?

No pain

Inside

You’re like perfection

But how do I feel this good sober?

Once again

I stand at the crossroads

Between two worlds

Both equally alluring

This place familiar to me

No surprises

No easy answers

But it’s the place from which I rise

Just when you least expect it

I rise again

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